Confronting Ambiguity

---

Confronting Ambiguity: The Fifth Season

"To everything there is a season. There is a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to plant seeds, and a time to reap." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There are songs I don't listen to often. There's music I don't visit regularly. It's not that I don't like it. It belongs to a particular space inside me. A particular mood.

Vivaldi's Four Seasons is one of those pieces.

Long. Full of shifts. Emotion moving through it that you can't just put on in the background.

You have to meet it where you are.

This time, it cracked something open in me.

Lately, I've been sitting with a lot of ambiguity. Some of it my own. Some of it from conversations with others. People calling, reaching out, all speaking from that same place: "I don't know where this is going." "Why is all this happening?" "When will it change?."

That uncertainty? I know it. It's been sitting in my life too. It's not new. It's just louder now.

Listening to Vivaldi made me realize something about it.

---

The Seasons We Can Name

When Vivaldi wrote The Four Seasons, he didn't just capture Spring or Summer like ideas. He captured their movement. Their instability.

Spring isn't clean. Summer doesn't stay. Autumn falls, but not gently. It collapses, it releases, it lets go in waves. And Winter? Winter isn't just cold. It breathes. It tightens around you, then softens, then surges again.

Even seasons, the ones we can name, are not fixed. They rise and collapse inside themselves.

There's always something unfinished inside each one.

---

The Space We Don't Name

And then I realized. There's something beyond even the seasons.

The movement before Spring really begins. The collapse inside Summer's fire. The pause before Autumn's letting go. The silence before Winter freezes.

There's a space between movements.

A space we don't name. A space we don't mark on calendars. A space we mostly rush through because it feels too uncertain, too empty.

That space, in the way of elements, in the way of consciousness, is Ether. Akasha. Shiva.

The fifth element.

The one that holds everything else together without needing to be anything itself.

The space where ambiguity lives.

---

Ambiguity is Not Failure

Ambiguity is not a punishment. It's not failure.

It's the space where one form has ended but the next has not fully arrived.

It's the movement between what you knew and what you are still becoming.

It's sacred.

Even if it feels like nothing. Even if it feels like chaos. Even if it feels like loss.

It's not absence. It's preparation.

You're not lost inside it. You're being carried through it.

---

The Fifth Season

You can name Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter.

But the Fifth Season, the space between, you can only live through. You can't explain it.

You can't predict it.

You can only trust it.

You can only trust that the life you asked for, not with your mind, but with your soul, is unfolding through movements you can't control.

Movements you chose even if you don't remember choosing them.

I know what you're thinking.

You want someone to tell you when this ends. You want a reading, a chart, a sign that says: "Three more months. Six weeks. By spring, everything shifts."

And look, I get it. I use these tools. Tarot, Akashic, Astrology. I've seen what they can do. The right person can point to patterns you've been living inside for years without seeing them. Timelines. Contracts you signed before you got here.

That insight matters. It can validate what you're feeling. It can show you you're not crazy, not stuck, not abandoned by the universe.

But here's what no card spread or birth chart can do for you: It can't live the days for you.

Say someone tells you with absolute certainty your breakthrough comes in three months. Okay. But you still wake up tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.

You still have to sit in the not knowing. You still have to feel the discomfort of transformation while you're mid collapse. You still have to breathe through the minutes when nothing makes sense and everything hurts.

"From that prison, I alone shall deliver you. Should you find the waiting long, it shall be made longer. Should you find it short, it shall be made shorter." Mikhail Naimy, The Book of Mirdad

The fifth season doesn't care about predictions. It only cares about presence.

---

So what do you do while you're in it?

You stop performing certainty you don't feel. You stop pretending you have it figured out when you don't. You stop apologizing for being in process.

"Chaos is a component, a very necessary component, of limitation and growth. It is perhaps the most fertile space in which to learn." Robert Schwartz, Your Soul's Plan

This is the space where your soul does its deepest work. Not when everything is clear. Not when you're comfortable. But here. In the unnamed. In the unfinished.

Sometimes that looks like sitting with the mess without fixing it. Sometimes it's crying in your car at 7 AM because you don't recognize who you're becoming. Sometimes it's just breathing. Just existing. Just trusting you're still on a path even when you can't see it.

This isn't about doing it right.

Growth doesn't move in straight lines. It's not clean. It doesn't ask permission.

It's wild. It's unnameable. It's you.

And it's working.

Even now. Especially now.

---

References & Further Reading

• Paulo Coelho, The Pilgrimage: A Contemporary Quest for Ancient Wisdom. Goodreads

• Mikhail Naimy, The Book of Mirdad. Goodreads

• Carl Jung, The Red Book: "The spirit of the depths took my understanding and placed them at the service of the inexplicable and the paradoxical."

• Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known. Goodreads

• Robert Schwartz, Your Soul's Plan: Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born. Goodreads