Reflections on My Father’s Journey

On December 22, 2024, my father passed away, and with him, a chapter of my life marked by one of the most complex relationships I have ever known. Like many fathers and sons, our bond was complicated, but ours was layered with unique challenges that shaped not only my path but my very way of being.

When I turned 18, my father left his stable job to pursue his own business. That decision, while bold, did not yield the success he had hoped for. Instead, it cast a long shadow over our family, setting the tone for a life lived in survival mode. His struggles to create a stable foundation forced me to take on responsibilities I wasn’t ready for, limiting my ability to explore my own dreams. Every choice I made—be it in business, relationships, or even daily life—was driven by the need to provide and sustain, rather than to thrive.

This dynamic extended to my relationships with my mother and sister as well. These connections, though rooted in love, often felt transactional. My worth, it seemed, was measured by what I could offer rather than who I was. It wasn’t until later in life that I began to understand the deeper spiritual significance of these experiences.

The Awakening of Perspective

For years, resentment simmered beneath the surface. But as I began exploring the idea of soul contracts—the notion that we choose the roles we play in each other’s lives before birth—I started to see my father in a new light. What if his role wasn’t to make life easy but to challenge me in ways that would force me to awaken?

His struggles and the survival mindset they imposed on me became the catalyst for my own self-discovery. In his own way, he was fulfilling a role that allowed me to step back and reassess my life, my values, and my purpose.

Pain as a Teacher

Pain is an uncomfortable but powerful teacher. At first, it seemed like my father’s choices had only created barriers—limits on what I could achieve or pursue. But in hindsight, they also planted the seeds of resilience, empathy, and reflection. His decisions, while flawed, pushed me to question my values and ultimately find my own path.

Over time, I began to see his actions not as failures but as sacrifices. He carried the burden of pushing me into a deeper understanding of myself, even if it meant taking on the role of the antagonist in my story.

This perspective brought me to gratitude—not the easy kind that comes from fond memories, but the hard-earned gratitude that arises when you recognize the growth born from struggle.

Gratitude Amid Complexity

Finding gratitude doesn’t erase the difficulties; it reframes them. My father’s life, with all its complexities, taught me that love and purpose don’t always look the way we expect. Sometimes they come in the form of challenges that force us to grow in ways we never thought possible.

I now see him as more than just my father. He was a soul who chose to take on the difficult task of teaching me through adversity. For that, I am profoundly grateful.

Moving Forward

His passing has left me reflecting on how I want to live—and how I want to let go. The survival mode that shaped so much of my early life is no longer necessary. I now choose to move forward with intention, focusing not on what I must provide but on what I want to create.

Through his journey, my father unknowingly gave me a gift: the clarity to see my own path and the courage to walk it. For that, I honor him—not just for who he was, but for who he allowed me to become.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Om